I don’t know if I can teach you anything with this blog, except to always watch where you’re going in life, though I do hope that you get a chuckle out of it. If this blog posting can make even one person’s day a little better, I can say that I’ve done my job.
Today, I would like to talk about some of the things I’ve done (or witnessed) at my recent job. Some of these things still make me laugh to this day.
First, we received a new contract to clean a new building–I clean, by the way–and we’d never even seen the building. They sent us the keys and said, “Go!”
So, we did!
The problem with not being shown around is that sometimes, just sometimes people do dumb things, like hide the light switch! It took us at least ten minutes to find this switch. We went into every office, we searched the back halls and lobbies, everywhere! I mean, we didn’t go outside, but we might as well have.
This place, I am really not kidding, hid their lightswitch behind one of those outdoor switch covers that keep the switch clean, safe from the elements, whatever. I don’t know if you know this, but those are usually OUTSIDE! Oh, we laughed and laughed about that story.
The second story is from one of my first days, so I’m new, regardless of where we clean. One of the owners and I are cleaning the bathrooms upstairs (I will skip some details here) but basically, the men’s bathroom reeked like a portapotty because it’s an old building with old pipes, and whatever. Gross. So, I did what anyone would do, I reached for the can of scented spray to spare my nostrils further inhalation of… well, you know.
I guess this can of spray had been sitting on the shelf for a good year because when I sprayed at the urinal a long string of white foam oozed out of the can and stuck to the back wall. I could not stop laughing! I would have been in a gut-wrenching puddle on the floor, if not for where I was. The owner and I must have spent a good five minutes laughing about this.
So, the third story is a two-parter. It is the beginning of the cold, icky season and I don’t have the best winter coat. Well, I went out and got one like a smart girl would. The next day I went into work and tore a perfectly shaped square patch off the butt of my new coat when it got caught in the door. Okay, that’s not the funny part. I promise. Just wait for it.
So, I cleaned the building and closed the door behind me, which locked automatically, in case you’re wondering. I not only locked my freshly torn winter coat inside, I also locked the keys inside one of the pockets of the winter coat!
Needless to say, that was a very long night. Especially for my poor coworker, who was forced to wait behind at said building, while we finished cleaning our route. We had to go back and have the place unlocked so I could get my things.
She still reminds me, to this day, that the few people who saw her waiting for us thought she was homeless and a few even offered her a place to sleep for the night. At least, she was trapped in a place that had nice, caring people, I say to her.
The fourth story I have for you is one of my favorites because it’s darn near impossible to repeat. For my job, I travel around to a couple different cities with the cleaning crew. This one night in the middle of winter, we were driving along to our next destination when the driver points to the hood of the car. At first, I can’t see what she’s pointing at.
Then I see it. Someone left a window cleaning bottle on the hood of the vehicle and instead of falling off, somehow the bottle attached itself to the wiper blade and this bottle was hanging on for dear life as we’re driving down the highway!
I don’t know if that could ever be replicated, but man, it was hilarious. There were countless jokes about the poor bottle, though. If you can’t have fun at work, why go?
The final work story I’d like to share is perhaps, the funniest of all. At this point of my cleaning adventure, we had 17 contracts that took us across the county and back. It was hours of tedious driving and extremely long hours that seemed never-ending. To add fuel to the fire, most of the time there were only three or four of us cleaning. This night there were only three of us. We were needed fuel for our bellies and decided to have some healthy subs, instead of greasy fast food. We ate and enjoyed our food, thinking life was grand. We plotted and planned to be home in bed before too long.
That was not meant to be for us.
We headed out to the car when the driver points out, “I don’t have my keys.” Words you do not want to hear from the driver at 1:00 in the morning.
At first, we’re thinking she left them in the restaurant.
Nope. It’s worse than that! She left them in the ignition! Not the best place for keys unless your butt is in the seat first! It gets worse. There are two sets of keys to the vehicle.
And wouldn’t you know it, they’re both in the car! It’s funny now, but it sure wasn’t back then. We were all fuming mad. But, it still doesn’t stop there.
I don’t know if you know this, but a lot of vehicles have numbers on the side of the driver’s side door. If you know the code, you can unlock the door. HA! We have one of these keypads on the van, but no one knows the code! Now, I pride myself on being able to remember numbers–it’s always been a gift. Horrible at math, but “when is so-and-so’s birthday?” or “Hey, can you remember this phone number?” I’m your girl.
So, the end of the story is: we called a tow truck who got us into the vehicle and I got the code that very same night! The kicker is I still remember it and nothing like that has happened since!
There you have it, some of the most hilarious things to happen at work.
Note to self: keep your cleaning supplies close and your keys even closer.
A Clumsy Writer